WARNING: KAREN KLEINMAN DO NOT READ THIS POST!!!!
Seriously, Karen, don't read it. And anyone else who might have a weak stomach might want to stop here as well.
Okay, final warning, Karen....do NOT read this post.
So, in honor of these past two days during which I have felt very sick and gross, I'm reminded of a random fact about myself that I am actually kind of proud of (in a weird sort of way): I have never thrown up in the toilet.
So here's my "vomiting history" from what I can remember:
* When I was little, if I was sick, I would wake up in the middle of the night and go to my mom's room and tell her I was sick. My dear, sweet mother would let me sleep with her and within about ten minutes I would throw up all over her bed. I think that happened at least twice during my childhood. And I love my mom for never getting mad at me and quietly and gently letting me go back to sleep (in my own bed) while she cleaned it up.
* One Christmas, my dad was coming to my house to pick me up and take me out to lunch. I specifically told my mom that I was feeling sick but she must've been really busy or something because she didn't take much notice. My dad came and picked me up and we went to Perkins for lunch. Before we could even order, I threw up all over the booth bench. I was crying and I remember going home, looking at my mom with tear-filled eyes and saying, "I told you I was sick." I still feel for that poor, poor Perkins busboy who had to clean it up.
* One day in the first grade, I got on the bus feeling really nauseous. I told the girl I sat next two that I was feeling sick and she told me I should visit the nurse. But I was extremely shy when I was little (I know, who'da thunk?) so I didn't. Well, during recess, I was on the playground by the monkey bars and I threw up all over the mulch. And my dear best friend at the time (Samantha) was so sweet while all the other students were cringing and she took me to the nurse's office where they cleaned me up and made me feel so much better. Turns out the nurse wasn't so scary after all! After that day, I went to her for every little thing from a scrape to a headache.
* Jumping ahead a few years (I think I was nine)...I was on my way home from our bowling league with my friends Hannah and Karl and their dad. We were smooshed together in the cab of a truck and we stopped at the drive-thru to a restaurant. I can't remember which restaurant but the smell of fish wafted all the way through the open window into the truck and I "lost my lunch" right there, all over everybody. It was a miracle Hannah would still be friends with me after that. But, of course, I have never eaten fish since that day and I never will.
* My Sophomore year in high school, I was feeling so sick on this day. But, of course, me being me, I couldn't miss a day of school! So I went to school anyways and I was walking somewhere during class (I can't remember where or why, but thank goodness the halls were empty) when suddenly, I keeled over and threw up all over the concrete sidewalk. To this day you can still see the huge stain. It's really gross, but at least I left my mark.
* And finally, a little over a year ago, at the end of my Senior year, I was sick again (this time I stayed home from school). I was living with my dad and I knew he wouldn't be so kind as to quietly clean up my vomit as my mom would be so I was sure to have a plan B (because I am clearly incapable of making it to the toilet). So I kept some plastic bags by my bed and lo and behold, when the time came, I was ready. I took the bags, tied them up, put them in the bath tub, and asked my dad to throw them in the dumpster while I went back to bed. And thanks to that last incident, I can no longer eat Lipton noodle soup.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that little history of me getting sick. Really, I am crazy to even remember every single time I've thrown up and even crazier to write a blog about it. I'm so sorry if you actually read all of that. On the bright side, I'm feeling much better today! Peace out, y'all.